a journey of discovery, friendship and travel

Posts tagged “Dreams on hold

Frolic in Freedom on Ice…….The journey on hold..

In the beginning we said ‘be it a day, a month, 6 months, a year … it only matters that we begin the journey’.

Yesterday it didn’t seem that easy to believe that they were our own words.. Yesterday was a huge day…. in every sense of the word…. and both of us are still trying to come to terms with a decision we would rather not have had to make.  but alas it is what it is.

In different parts of the hostel here in La Paz, and in our own thoughts.. we are slowly coming to terms with the decision that we have had to make.  Rather than re-write history.. our thoughts are below.. raw, un-edited, un-cut.

Laura……

Today has been one of the hardest days of this whole journey. Not because something bad happened, but because I realised I need to look after my body. Today, I decided I need to return to home, be that Canada or Australia. It’s been over a week since I dislocated my patella and I am still having a lot of difficulty getting around. After a couple of attempts by my ever supportive travel companion Janine, to try to get this knee more stable and functional, I have realised this is not going to be a quick or short term problem. Having had this injury before, although not this severe, I know how unstable a knee remains if it is not properly rehabilitated.

Although knowing this deep down for a couple of days now, I have tried my hardest to convince myself I could continue. We have discussed at length our options, including ways to remain on our journey, but I feel I am not doing myself or this trip any justice by continuing.

This morning, despite knowing the answer, I did some research online (I know, not the smartest thing) in an attempt to find some answers that were contrary to my knowledge. The reality is, 2-4 weeks of healing time, followed by 3-5 months of rehab to get my knee as close to fully functioning as I can. For those of you who travel, you know how long a day or a week on the road can feel, let alone when you are not able to leave your accommodation for longer than an hour or two at a time. Even though I know each day will get easier the thought of not being able to enjoy the activities we had planned due to my physical limitations for months is devastating.

For us, this trip was about pushing our boundaries and pushing ourselves individually to achieve more than we ever thought we could, both physically and mentally. This was never designed to be an easy, relaxing trip but rather a challenging one. It is possible for us to switch gears and change things up to accommodate me but I feel as though we would both be missing out on what we truly wish to see and do.

Personally, I am also very concerned about the long term impact of not dealing with this correctly. For those of you who know me, you know I have trouble with both knees from similar injuries as a teenager and that walking for any length of time irritates them. You also know that when I get tired, I tend to limp as a result. I can not afford for my knees to become any more unstable or painful on a chronic level than what I already deal with.

I have therefore decided the best decision for me, and my body long term, is to return home and go through the process of appropriate rehabilitation.  I am not saying this is the end, and I am trying hard not to see it as giving up. I prefer to look at it as a ‘not now’ rather than a ‘not ever’. Who knows what the next few months will hold for us both, but we are certainly keeping the door open to continue to travel together in the coming months. Whether that is in the same way or whether we decide to change it up will depend on how both out lives play out.

For me, seeing and knowing the impact this has on Janine and her dream is harder than the impact on my own dreams. So much planning has gone in to us starting this journey, that to rip that out from under her is one of the hardest things to do. Janine, I am truly so sorry for everything that happened that has led us to this point. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything, and I mean everything, you have done to support and look after me. Without you I am scared to think where I would be or how I would have gotten through this. You are so important to me and  I value you so much for the remarkable person that you are. Thank you for being my friend xo

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Janine …….

I’m supposed to be working, but at the moment my mind cannot concentrate on superannuation or investment matters… or simply the calculation factors of an asset mix.  Everything in my head is spinning.  Not at snails pace, but at a frantic force that begs the question ‘Why?’.
Over and over in my head I keep playing scenario’s for how this could work out and how it can continue.  But the truth of the matter is that it is not a decision that only I can make.
For the week and a bit now it has been since Laura first dislocated her kneecap, I have watched her hobble and struggle with the simple everyday things that we all take for granted.
Simple things like walking down the street, sitting down at the dinner table and even simply sitting in the car as we transverse through this amazing Mexican landscape.  Each and every step that she takes.  Each simple bend that she makes, each vibration of the car, as much as she tries to hide it, the pain is reflected on her face.  And it’s not just the pain.
The pain is fought with the frustration that she feels at not being able to do these everyday things.  Not being able to live the ‘dream of the big adventure’ as we officially nicknamed it when we first thought up this gigantic feat.  A life of relaxing on the beach. Of undertaking activities as we felt like it. Of immersing ourselves in the culture of the countries that we visited.  And most of all simply living life as we wish we could live it.
And somehow now we are at that crossroad. The crossroads of turning back.  Of looking forward down a path that we thought would bring us both much happiness and enjoyment and of looking back on a road that we are both not willing to return to, but that we know, in reality, is the only choice.
How do you simply turn your back on a future that appears so close, within your grasp? But at the same time, how do you continue forward to a future that now has an uncertainty, not only personally and mentally, but also physically? A future that has the potential to become tainted and not all that we have dreamed about?
I learned the lesson young that you need to take care of number one. That you only have one life to live and that you need to make the most of every opportunity you get.  And that’s where I’m at at the moment.
In my heart I know that Laura needs to rehabilitate her knee, not only for future travel purposes, but for life in general. Can she rehabilitate that on the road? Possibly yes. But at what point do you ask yourself if it is worth it? Do we spend time and money staying at a place in the hope that the rehabilitation only takes a couple of weeks? A month? And then at what point do we then return to this crossroad we are at now?  It’s emotionally and physically draining to say the least.
It has not been a simple decision.  Between the two of us we have talked through a million scenarios, and I’m sure that each of us have thought about a million more. Am I tempted to stay on and do it alone? Of course I am.. but that is not the point of this trip.  It was a dream that we shared together and a dream that I hope, somewhere, someday, fate will allow us to fulfill…so for now we regroup, enjoy La Paz and plan our journey home.
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If someone can have the Tequila, lemon’s and salt lined up when we get home… that would be great..