For many an unbroken silence can be an awkward experience, but somehow the silence between Laura and I is not uncomfortable, nor is it uncommon. It’s an unspoken language that only the two of us seem to understand. A respect that even within the confined spaces of Faith, (a 5 door Ford Focus station wagon) we both understand each others space and the need to process the events of the past few days .
In some respects it almost feels like it was months ago that we both agreed to turn Faith around and head back to the great white north, but in reality it was less than 5 days ago. In that time we have crossed the Sea of Cortez , bid farewell to the unknown excitement that lay ahead of us in Mexico and further south into Central America and travelled almost 2,500 klms across the United States.
They have been big days, not only in driving terms, but also in events and in the inner sanctum of our very own minds.
There are many times in our lives that we are thrown a curve ball. When everything that you had planned out, doesn’t work out, or when dreams are turned upside down or simply ripped out from underneath you.
Apparently they call it life.
Over the last few days I would have liked to call it a number of things, but none of those should be repeated here on this blog.
But as the rolling green grass and trees of Illinois filter past my passenger side window, as have done the farming lands of Mexico, the desert landscapes of Arizona and New Mexico, the dust bowls of Texas and the ranch lands of Oklahoma and Missouri, my mind is beginning to wonder to the possibilities that lie ahead.
It is hard not to forget what has just gone on, nor to continue to question why, but something within enables us, or teaches us that life will continue. Or perhaps this is just a lesson that my Mum taught. I’m not sure.
What I do know is that I have witnessed my Mum and many others just like her, pick up the pieces when absolutely everything has felt lost. For me at least she did not let me see her dwell on the past, or question too much why. For I am sure that she did. I am not saying for a moment that what Laura and I, or at least I have been through is anything as great as the loss of your husband, your partner or the father of your children, what I am saying is that it is still a loss.
A loss of an unknown future, of unknown dreams. Of challenges that scare and excite you. When that is your whole world, and has been your whole world for a period of time, the grief process must still be worked through. And slowly, in our own ways I think this is what this return journey is all about.
For me the next step is to return home to Australian soil. To be with my family that I love so much and to concentrate on plan b.. Working for myself.
Plan A still exists.
It will always exist and remain entrenched in my heart. Now, however it will also grow. It will be developed further and refined by better knowledge and better understanding. It will be researched further and further and new adventures and challenges will be added.
One day, I’m not saying when, but it will become a reality.